Komedi!

pedro: tay! yung titi ng kaklase ko parang champoy!
tatay: HAHAHA!! maliit ba anak?
pedro: hindi po..
tatay: eh ano?

pedro: maalat po..

Nakaamoy si Ngongo ng pabango sa isang store.
Sabi ni Ngongo, “Ale, mango!”
Sabi naman ng saleslady, “Pabango ‘yan, hindi alimango!”
Ulit ni Ngongo, “Ale, mango!”
Nag-agawan si Ngongo at ang saleslady sa pabango. Nahulog ang pabango at nabasag.

Sabi ni Ngongo, “Ale, masag!”

props to Eumir!

Usapan ng dalawang mayabang…

Tomas: Panis ka sa aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Verzo: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha!? Paano mo nalaman?!
Verzo: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.

nyacheche!

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Usapan ng dalawang bata…

Dodong: Magaling ang tatay ko! Alam mo, ‘yang Pacific Ocean , siya ang humukay nun!
Cocoy: Wala ‘yan sa tatay ko! Alam mo ‘yung Dead Sea ?
Dodong: Oo…
Cocoy: Siya ang pumatay nun!

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Advantage at disadvantage ng may-asawa…

ADVANTAGE: ‘Pag kailangan mo, nandiyan agad.
DISADVANTAGE: ‘Pag ayaw mo na, andiyan pa rin!

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Rodrigo: Bakit bad trip ka?
Harry: Nagtampo sa ‘kin ang utol ko.
Rodrigo: Bakit naman?
Harry: Nakalimutan ko kasi ang birthday niya.
Rodrigo: ‘Yun lang? Anong masama ru’n?
Harry: Ang masama ru’n… twins kami pare! Twins!

Bobo: Pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula ng letter A
Pare: Approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: Amiable
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige, sirit na nga

Bobo: Anest

The following is a letter found at a certain bar in
Manila and has been preserved in its original,unedited form.
Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog.
Pls read with feelings…

_____________________________________

To Marjie,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why? What reason you can think about but you’re very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I’m realize that he really can’t not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you’re habit of making pakialam all his walks [lakad] and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that.

And then he say he get ashame to met iether in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you’re very very, very fat body. But you hate it. Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are “Beautiful Girl” of Jose Marie Chan?

Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I’m never call you names ether in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I don’t have any other choice but to call you other different name to. Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you’re body that is to a BUDING.

You can’t not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier than you when you look to us in the mirror.

I’m repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.

Love,
The Sexiest Girl of D.M.

P.S. You say that I’m the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me. There you go.

Ready?… Sing!

Valer kuberch, kahit jutay
Ang julamantrax donchi ay anek-anek.
Nyongkamas at nutring, nyogarilyas at kipay
Nyitaw, nyotaw, jutani.
Kundol, jutola, jupot jolabastrax
At mega join-join pa, jobanox nyustasa.
Nyubuyax, nyomatis, nyowang at luyax
And around the keme ay fulnes ng linga.

We’ ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it’s only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, “I hope you don’t mine. Can I get your number?” Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn’t give it back? He explained naman na it’s so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i’m wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we’ll go ouch na rin. Now, we’re so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I’m 33 na and I’m running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. “Will you marriage me?” I’m in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it’s four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, “Well, well, well. Look do we hav e here.” What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn’t want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don’t want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, “please, mine you own business!” Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it’s not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I’m so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He’s so supportive. Sabi niya, “Look at is this way. She’s our of our lives.”

Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we’ll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.

…and the gay lingo syndrome continues!

“Mudra, Fudra bet kiz ng kronapay
Sisterette, brotherloo, bet kiz ng frappe
lahat ng betchina kez ay kemer, kemerlu
ang magkamali ang pipingutin kiz”

‘nanay-tatay ng dalawang batang bading’

=========================================

this one came from the adorable chelot.

Ibinabalik ng ABS-CBN ang Batibot. Imbis na si Kuya Bodjie at Ate Sienna ay sina Kuya Boy at si Manay Ogie..

“akez ang shopetbahay shopetbahay mez.
laging handang tumulong sa inyetch
knowings niyo aketch
knowings niyo aketch
aketch jisa sa shopetbahay
shopetbahay ninyetch…”

INRITS YUR BOCABOLARY
by Manny Pacquiao

TACTICS - tunog ng orasan
PAYT - laban para sa mga pinoy
TAYTOL - pamagat ng laban
JENGKEH - name ng dyowa nya
NO PEER - sponsor nya’
MOTOR KID - pag ikot nya sa manila
CHECK IN - manok sa McDo
CORRUPT - pagsara ng mata
MURA LESS - nakalaban nya
WIT - timbang
WAWAWE - noon time show
DUET - gawin mo
L.A - Leto Atsensya
QUOTES - tawag nya kay Freddie Roach

Lolo: Apo halika nga, pwede bang buhatin mo ako?
Apo: Bakit po ‘lo? San ko po kayo dadalhin? Sa banyo po?
Lolo: Hindi..
Apo: Eh san ho?

Lolo: Ipatong mo ako sa lola mo… hehe.